www.findloveonline.weebly.com > FAQs
Frequently Asked Questions
Finding love online is easier than you think.
We're here to dispel some of the myths surrounding online dating, including:
- It's the Internet, is online dating really safe?
- Isn't online dating for losers & desperate people?
- Do people really tell the truth?
In 2008, the stigma of online dating seems to be all but gone, and we'll tell you why.
It's the Internet, is online dating really safe?
Just like any dating situation, you need to use common sense. Here are some online dating safety tips to keep in mind. Also just like any dating situation, online or offline, it's important to remember to take your time getting to know someone.
With Match.com's double blind email system, I felt safe and maintained my privacy until I felt comfortable moving to the next level. Most online dating websites have this "double blind" email system, which masks each person's true email address. That means your personal email address is hidden and your privacy is maintained for as long as you want. This makes it easy to talk with a lot of people without compromising your personal information.
Moving the conversation forward
Of course, after you have established a rapport with someone, you may want to gradually move the conversation to your personal email, and then to the telephone. I think speaking on the telephone is an important step before meeting someone in person. Don't skip it. I believe you can learn a lot about a person through his voice and mannerisms over the phone.
That first face-to-face meeting
If you do decide to meet face to face, make it in a public place, but do so only when you feel you're ready, if at all. One of the greatest things about online dating is that you can maintain your privacy and anonymity for as long as you like. You decide when you're ready to meet "in real life." Our safety tips explain in more detail some precautions you may want to consider when online dating.
Isn't online dating just for losers or really desperate people?
That may have been the misguided thinking several years ago, but how can millions of people be wrong? And the number of singles going online continues to increase each year. In fact, according to the Pew/Internet study on online dating, people ages 35-45 found the contrary...to this demographic, online dating is a convenient way to meet new people. It's worked for the couples showcased here, and it can work for you as well.
A therapist's advice
What's more, in her book Romancing the Web: A Therapist's Guide to the Finer Point of Online Dating, Diane Berry has this to say: "There are a number of negative, destructive emotions associated with being in the situation where online dating seems an appealing alternative. Just considering this option can lead to feelings of shame, guilt and desperation. I am here to try to dispel these emotions" (6).
And I second that sentiment!
Times have changed
Let's face it, times have changed and situations have changed. Traditional networks -- like family, friends and work -- for meeting single people have diminished greatly as our society has become more mobile and transient. Bars and churches aren't functional alternatives either, for the most part today. First, meeting someone in a bar has it's own alcohol-induced drawbacks, and second, the main populations attending churches these days are mostly made up of older people and young families. Bars and churches are no longer viable meeting places for singles. Online dating has become more common and mainstream as each year passes. Match.com, one of the longest running online dating websites, got its start back in 1995. With 13 years of success stories, online dating is finally coming into its own, as a respectable way for adults to meet.
Do people really tell the truth about themselves?
Of course common sense rules here as well. But actually more often than not, most people really do tell the truth when communicating online. The research overwhelmingly supports this claim (just look at my CMC and online dating research articles in the resource section). Think about it, if people are serious about meeting someone in person eventually, it doesn't make sense for them to lie. Lying can certainly sabotage a potential relationship. Naturally people want to put their best foot forward when initially meeting someone, but there has to be an element to realism and truth with how you present yourself, especially when the expectation is to meet the other person in real life.
Just remember...
- Take your time getting to know one another.
- Take notes of your conversations to see if there are any inconsistencies.
- Use common sense. If it doesn't feel right, don't progress with the relationship.
What is CMC, anyway?
CMC stands for computer-mediated communication. "Mediated" means that there is something in between. So in this case, it is the computer that is the thing "in between" or "mediating" the communication of two or more people. CMC is the scholarly term for communication that takes place via online dating websites. For more information, see my Links & Resources.
